Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Going to the Movies



Hmmm.  The movie excursion was interesting and not completely mortifying, so I’m giving it a ranking of Yeah, We Might Do That Again Sometime in the Next 10 Years.

It wasn’t the bloodbath I thought it would be, so kudos to the boys on their good behavior.  Only a couple ladies had popcorn in their hair, and there was this one poor guy sitting below us that got the brunt of a juice box, but he was ok as soon as he found out the stream of liquid splashing near his feet was just juice.

There were lots of monsters kids, so we blended.  Ours were not the best behaved, nor were they the worst.  I’m going to go out on a limb and say that the most badly-behaved patrons at that particular showing of Toy Story 3 were the teenagers who huddled in obnoxious masses in the front section.  Let’s just say this:  I can recall only a couple of instances when I have voluntarily chosen the neck-breaker seats in the very front, and each of those instances involved me having entirely too much to drink.

OMG, I think I just sounded like one of those geriatric patients who grumbles about “those darn teenagers these days!”  Yikes!  Ok, the teenagers were great, and they really didn’t add to the chaos, because the theater was filled with fun-sized chaos-makers anyway.

When we first got there, Jadon was scared.  All he would say is something to the effect of, “Ja-Ja go watch movie in Ja-Ja’s house.  Sit in Ja-Ja’s chair.”

Oh, no, my little man, we are here now.  Tickets have been paid for.  Candy has been smuggled.  You are going to have fun.  And I mean it!

So, after I lovingly soothed Jadon’s fears, (Dude, it’s a giant tv, and looook, candy!) we settled in for the previews.  That was when Jordan decided he needed to disassemble the lighting fixture on the step we were sitting by.  Next thing I know, he was handing me something in the dark.  I’m used to being handed mystery items (boogers, chewed-up gummies, etc.), so this did not phase me in the least, and I stuck my hand out to receive the proffered gift.  And that was when the SCALDING and burning of flesh began.  I’m not sure how Jordan managed to get the little light bulb out of the stairway fixture, but I’m thinking that stuff should be child-resistant.  Hello, Dickinson Theatres, anyone listening?

I nursed my singed hand with the still-cold coke I had smuggled in for Jason, while I inspected Jordan.  He was fine.  Completely and totally fine.  How did he not burn his little hand?  I don’t know.  All I know is that the theater was entirely too bright for his taste, so he decided to darken it up a bit.

Once Buzz and Woody finally made an appearance, it was smooth sailing—mostly.  Or swaying, or whatever.  Jordan swayed through the entire movie, and Jadon was afraid to sit in the chair (because he’s the big, tough one, you know).

The only little glitch happened when I started digging the giant bag o’ smuggled candy out of my purse.  I gave each of the boys a fun-sized bag of M&Ms and thought that would be acceptable.  No.  It was most definitely NOT acceptable.  Once Jordan had zeroed in on the motherlode of sweets hidden in my purse, his sole reason for existing on this planet then revolved around GETTING. THAT. CANDY.

I redirected.  I cajoled.  I distracted.  Finally, Jason and I resorted to playing some sort of cruel chocolate keep-away with Jordan, which did not make him happy in the least.  Luckily, he was distracted by the terrifying flaming inferno that the toys were about to fall into, so he became more worried about this new childhood trauma than he was about getting the chocolate.  Well, almost.  Every now and then, he would remember his original quest and make a head dive for the candy.  But alas, the adults were very good at hiding the candy…and also at stuffing the candy in our faces while he wasn’t looking so that we could combat the extreme amount of stress involved in taking them in PUBLIC.

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