After much contemplation, I have decided to compose a list of things that would be inappropriate for parents to yell either before, during, or after their child competes in a sport. (For the sake of pretending, let’s just pretend the sport is trampoline, and let’s also pretend that your kid totally rocks!) Here are the things parents should refrain from screaming at the top of their lungs in a crowded stadium:
- It’s a bloodbath down there!
(If your kid happens to trample the competition, chances are they all know it’s a bloodbath. No need to reaffirm that.)
- Get ‘em a body bag!
(A la Karate Kid-style) (This might be a bit discouraging for the athletes who would have need of said body bag.)
- WHAT?! Are you blind?!
(Directed at the judges, this typically does not help to raise your child’s score.)
- I’ve seen better lines on an Etch-a-Sketch!
(Definitely not a good thing to yell—especially at your own kid.)
- You think you’re gonna like this sport once you catch on?!
(Also not a good thing to yell at your own kid.)
Those are just a few, and I’m not saying I’ve used any of them (mostly because I live in fear of my kids’ coach). I might have thought them though, but quietly. Very, very quietly.