Thursday, July 08, 2010

What the Therapist Says…


…And What the Therapist Really Means

After several visits to doctors and therapists with Jordan, I have learned that there is a fine art to understanding what all of these professionals are saying.  It has taken time and a well-trained ear, but I believe I may be able to offer my translation services to other parents who may also be navigating the same medical and therapeutic avenues.  Please find below a basic list of translations, which will help you decipher exactly what each professional is trying to communicate in his or her own very politically correct and professional manner.  (This list will surely continue to grow as we see more doctors and therapists.)

Says:  My, my!  Isn’t he a busy boy?!
Means:  Holy smokes, my office will never be the same again!

Says:  Is he always this flitty?
Means:  Um, does this kid ever sit still?  EVER?

Says:  I think we need a team approach.
Means:  I don’t even know where to start.

Says:  Has a doctor recommended medication for him?
Means:  OMG, I think I have some meds right here in my purse…you know, if you’d like to give them a try.

Says:  Is he going to school this fall?
Means:  Will he have to keep coming here as well?

Says:  Does he have any particularly strong interests?
Means:  Will ANYTHING make this kid sit still?

Says:  I would love for my colleague to observe him as well.
Means:  Seriously, we could probably sell tickets to this event!

Says:  This little man is quite a puzzle!
Means:  I still don’t have any clue where to start with him.

Says:  Does he always explore this much?
Means:  Why won’t he stay out of my bleepity-bleep-bleep stuff?!?

Says:  Do you have any information at all about the birth mother?
Means:  Did she, by chance, drop him on his head?

Says:  I would love to work with him!
Means:  My bill will be in the mail.  And I’m charging the this-kid-exhausts-me rate.

Says:  I’ll forward you some contact information.
Means:  I may be in touch if I can ever get my office put back together.

No comments: