Wednesday, August 25, 2010

All Grown Up


Once upon a time, in a magical land filled with JC Penney underwear ads and energy drinks, there lived a young lad who turned 16 and was, therefore, totally and completely grown up.  The end.

Oh wait, that must have been the liquor talking.

I keep reminding myself that when I was 16, I was fairly certain I knew everything about everything that would ever be important to me.  No need to learn more.  No need to listen to adults.  Why?  Because I already knew it all.  That’s why!

So, when faced with this particular character trait in my newly-turned-16 son, I try to do a couple of things: 1)  Don’t kill him and 2) impart wisdom whenever I think he might have an earbud out of his ear.

Let me just clarify that this post is not about Jacob.  Because I would never ever (EVER) blog about him without his permission.  Maybe.

So, let’s just call this anonymous kid Scooter.

Let me tell you what Scooter has done in the last few weeks.  I assure you, it’s been an adventure.

Scooter recently started his first job at a company that shall remain nameless, but that I shall call the Food Store.  After the first day at the Food Store, a tired and exhausted Scooter returned home.  And do you think he maybe got something to eat?  Relaxed a bit?  Oh, no, he did not.  Instead, Scooter, in his infinite wisdom, decided he should post something about his workday on facebook.  Brilliant.  And it wouldn’t have been so bad if it hadn’t specifically mentioned the Food Store by name right before the part about how employment at the Food Store ‘sucks.’

Imagine Scooter’s horror when, within the span of 24 hours, our entire family, the assistant manager at the Food Store, and probably the mayor knew all about his little comment.

Grown-Up Lesson #1 – Stuff you post online can be seen by anyone.  If you must complain, be vague.  Very, very vague.

And here’s where we get to the next lesson.  Stuff you find online isn’t always safe or legitimate or even legal sometimes.

Therefore, if you decide you need to find a band to play in immediately, craigslist is probably not the best place to look for this band.  I know I may be behind the times and all, but when Scooter told us he’d found a new band to play with and that he’d found them on craigslist, all I could picture was a serial killer swinging an ax at Scooter—right after he had stolen all of his guitars and gear.

Grown-Up Lesson #2 – craigslist is for finding used kitchen tables.  It is not for finding new friends.  OMG, you could have gotten yourself killed!  (Excuse the brief interruption as I release the fear I have had pent up inside me since he told me about his craigslist field trip.)

I know that Scooter fancies himself all grown up now, but believe me, Scooter, there’s still a lot to learn.  Enjoy being 16—you’ll be grown up soon enough.

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