Monday, August 02, 2010

Teenage Wisdom (I know this is an oxymoron.)


Exhibit A:  There is this one particular teenager in my life (ahem, Jacob) about whom I would like to speak. See, here’s the deal.  He’s good at a lot of things.  He’s funny, and he helps around the house (occasionally), and rocks as a musician.

There are many, many fine things teenagers are good for.  Let me list a few:

  • Mowing the lawn
  • Cleaning the toilets
  • Running to the store when we are out of milk
  • Teasing siblings without mercy
  • Making their mothers worry until they have ulcers and premature gray hair

BUT.

And that’s a big ‘BUT.’  There are simply some things that teenagers should refrain from doing.  For example, teaching 3-year-olds how to talk.  Or rather, teaching 3-year-olds funny new phrases to shock and dismay their parents.

So, last night, during bath time (yes, this is going to go downhill from here), Jadon announces the presence of his ‘baby boner.’  And let me tell you, he enunciated.  He spoke in a strong, clear voice—so clear that, should he ever use this language in public, I could never pretend that the little stinker was really just trying to say something like ‘I’m a loner’ or something equally ridiculous.

And yes, indeed, it was there…exactly as he announced, and he was quite fascinated with it.  But where, oh where, do you think he GOT that particular phrasing?  (I’ll admit, if I were a 16-year-old teenage boy, I might find humor in the clever alliteration and simply in the fact that I could get my little brother to say anything.  ANY-THING at all.)

And ok, it did sound funny.  (Hilarious, in fact.)  But how in the world am I going to explain that stuff to his kindergarten teacher in the next couple of years.  I’m really glad Jacob is working with his little brothers on their talking, but I’m wondering if he might be able to teach them something more along the lines of ‘May I please be the line leader?’ or ‘Would you like an apple today, Teacher?’

At this rate, I am going to be in the principal’s office a dozen times before he even hits 1st grade!

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