Thursday, January 27, 2011

Things To Avoid Eating


Chinchilla poop.  Don’t eat that.  It’s gross.

The end.

Ok, maybe I’ll elaborate just a little bit, if for no other reason than to satisfy any curiosity that might exist as to why in the world I might even find it necessary to announce this seemingly obvious fact.

Jordan will eat anything.  We have known this since the day we brought him home.  However, I don’t think that we were ever really considering poop in the ‘anything’ category until very recently.  Turns out that the kid really WILL eat anything.

He has hoarded food from the very beginning, and we think that’s because he probably had to go through the first few months of his little life without having many of the basics that we take for granted here in the United States.  I’m pretty sure he was lucky to get milk that wasn’t watered down, let alone real, solid food.

So it has sort of always made sense why we find pizza crusts hidden in the sofa cushions or why he will raid the pantry any time we accidentally leave the latch unhooked.  Or even how he will scavenge for crumbs and dropped pieces of candy beneath the bleachers at the gym.  We have learned to watch out for all of that stuff, and we’ve gotten pretty good at detouring him away from his ingrained food-hoarding habits.

However.  Sometimes he still finds ways to get around the system.  The other day, the sitter had to call me and explain that she was brushing his teeth because he had stuffed I-don’t-know-how-much chinchilla poop into his mouth.  Evidently, he had escaped upstairs to his sister’s bedroom for the merest of seconds and returned only after he realized that what he had put in his mouth was utterly nasty.  He needed help removing the vile flavor, I am sure, so he sought out the sitter.  That’s when she called me.

Anyway, he’s fine.  But just when we think we can relax and be a little more complacent about monitoring his food and eating habits, something like this happens.

Things I have learned after the chinchilla-poop-incident:

  • Toothbrushes with brown bristles cannot (and should not) be saved.

  • Chinchilla turds must look like some sort of tiny chocolate delicacy.

  • A 3-year-old can have an ENTIRE mouthful of turds before he determines that it does, indeed, taste disgusting.

  • Eating poop is clearly not psychologically damaging.  After a good tooth brushing and a cookie to get rid of the remnants of the flavor, he was fine.

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