Monday, April 18, 2011

Eau de Poo


You know how the Bounce fabric softener folks fairly recently came out with the long-lasting thingie that sticks to the inside of your dryer?  I think I know how they happened upon that brilliant idea.  Or maybe my discovery is a sort of backwards way of getting to it, but nonetheless…

Yesterday was a big laundry day.  Huge.  Epic piles of laundry were systematically filtered through the system to ensure that every little Stahl had clean-smelling garments to get through the upcoming week.  And things were going smoothly.  Until…

That pesky little word always finds a way to insert itself into perfectly seamless moments, doesn’t it?  “Until…”  It’s always followed by stories of doom and near-apocalypse.  And this remained true yesterday.

Let me just say that Mommy was not-so-pleasantly surprised by the appearance of a gooey brown mass adhered ever-so-stickily to the inside of the dryer wall.  It seems that a certain 13-year-old babysitter (who shall remain nameless) thought the best course of action—after her little brother pooped his pants—was to throw the entire mess into the laundry bin, thereby effectively removing any and all unpleasantness from her babysitting duties.

Now, me being a reasonable human being, I thought I was safe in assuming there would not be a load of fresh boy-dung in the laundry pile.  So I hefted an armload into the washer and started the load that will heretofore be known as the steaming-load-from-hell.

Nothing seemed amiss throughout the wash cycle.  Which is most likely how the entire load of now-crap-coated laundry made it into the dryer.  And it wasn’t until about 10 minutes into the drying cycle that the entire upstairs of our house started smelling like a horse stall.

“Hmmm,” I said to myself.  “Something smells suspiciously like @#$#%!”

So I opened the dryer and inspected every stitch of clothing.  Every article smelled foul, but I couldn’t locate the source of the foulness.  It wasn’t until I emptied the entire dryer full of wet, steamy, poo-smelling clothes into a basket and poked my head into the dryer for a closer inspection that I saw the large baseball-sized mound of poo-putty that was firmly adhered to the inside of the dryer wall.  (My children learned new words yesterday, that I later told them should not be repeated at school or on the playground.)

So I think this must have happened to the person who invented the stick-‘em-to-the-dryer-wall Bounce things—except, hopefully for them, the item that got stuck in the dryer was better smelling than my little surprise.

Needless to say, Mommy conducted a “Do Not Make Your Problem My Problem” seminar from the laundry room door yesterday.  Heads hung in shame, and I’m pretty sure I saw Jason almost laugh.  But he was wise enough to keep that bottled up inside.

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