Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Oh So Literal


After dropping the girls off at practice yesterday, the boys and I picked up their new prescriptions—because, as it turns out, green snot running down to your lips isn’t normal—and we returned home.

Upon walking in the door, Dumb Mommy says to her ever-so-literal little boys, “Let’s all go potty now.”

It really was a fine idea in theory.  Jadon headed for the downstairs bathroom to take care of business, and Jordan stood in the hallway and peed down his leg.

Um.  Yeah.  Maybe I should have explained myself further.  I meant go potty in the toilet, kid, not just let it all loose wherever you happen to be standing.

So I mopped.

Then I gave them their medicine.  Jordan took his dutifully—but then again, he’s pretty used to his meds in the evening, so it wasn’t that big of a deal.  Mr. OhYesDoctorI’mBig! went to take his medicine, which was ground up in peanut butter, and barfed it right back up onto the floor.  Along with the entirely-consumed Happy Meal from just a half hour before.  This included the pickle, which I have to say is the nastiest thing I have seen in a long, long while.

So I mopped.

And as soon as I finished mopping, Jordan and Evil Dr. Porkchop did a Kamikaze fly-by of the table, and Dr. Porkchop’s fat ass knocked over an entire glass of chocolate milk.  Onto the floor.

So I mopped.

And, so help me God, if my husband asks me why the floor’s sticky when he gets home, my eyeballs might pop right out of my head.

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