Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Hybrid


Step right up, folks!  That’s right…you can only see it here.  Right next to the bearded lady and the two-headed goat.  We present you with…(drum roll)…

the first ever…

the one…

the only…

Miniature American Eski-Goat!

Yes, it looks like an innocent puppy at first.  But lemme just tell you, the things this dog can eat would scare most mythical, beastly, horrible-thing-eating creatures.

Here’s a small list of the things Rudi has eaten.  (We’ve dished out a small fortune for this dog already, so I’m thinking that how these items pass through his system is his problem.  I’m not forking out any emergency vet money for Dumb Butt the Dog.)  Ok, back to the list:

Shoes (too many to count), rugs (living room, office, throw), books, paper, trash, toilet paper tubes, carpet (as in the carpet that is supposed to be ATTACHED to our floor), throw pillows, blankets, socks, underwear, jackets, toys, cookies, the stylus that used to be attached to Jadon’s Leapster (not sure why the little glutton stopped before eating the ENTIRE game), tree branches, tennis balls, kong toys (yeah, the “indestructible” ones), buttons, and a freaking PARTRIDGE IN A PEAR TREE for all I know.

Anyway, what the shiz is wrong with this dog?  Are puppies not supposed to stop chewing at some point?  We have been good puppy owners.  We have purchased rawhide in bulk.  We have carted disgusting dead animal bones into our house for him to chew on.  We have purchased toys and goodies and blankets and all manner of canine gadgetry for him.

We have finally come to the conclusion that the problem is the fact that he is not a dog at all.  He is some sort of freakish hybrid goat-puppy-termite-tyrannosaurus thing that will eventually eat the walls down around us and leave us wearing nothing but tattered clothing and chewed-up shoes.  Yay, pets.

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