(or Why Mommy Isn’t Insanely Grumpy All the Time Anymore…Only Sometimes…And Only When the Kids Really Deserve It)
- When walking outside without my shoes, my feet do not instantly sizzle like strips of bacon on the driveway.
- I can turn on the stove and cook something without feeling like I am in the midst of an inferno, with all the breathable (and cool) air having been sucked out of the room by the unrelenting burning FLAMES of summer. (Noooo, kids, this does not mean that I will actually cook. It only means that I could cook…if I wanted to.)
- My children are not constantly bugging me to take them to the tepid, chlorine-filled tub at the front of the sub-division…otherwise known as the pool. Even if they did beg, we can’t go because it’s closed. So there, kids, take that!
- The dog will finally pee outside without being dragged by the neck until near-death. And by the way, aren’t dogs supposed to like going outside? He’s a dog, for the love of all that is holy!
- The kids will finally pee inside. Ok, well I’m sort of kidding on this one (maybe), but it is a bit chilly out there, and if they drop their drawers in the back yard, they might catch a bit of a breeze this time of year. Yay for indoor plumbing!
And finally, the number one reason why Mommy is no longer a total fire-breathing beast:
- Holy hallelujah, my boobs have stopped sweating! Seriously guys, you have no idea how grumpy this can make a gal. I’m so happy fall is here I could sing. I could dance. I could swing from the treetops! (But that might make my boobs sweat, so instead I’m just going to sit here and enjoy the beginnings of the crisp autumn air.)