Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Tornado Kit


Micaela has decided that we need to be prepared in the event of an unplanned water landing…um, I mean, in the event that a tornado should happen to plop down on top of our humble abode.  In the midst of the recent tornado outbreak last week, she decided that it would be prudent to organize a tornado kit to put in the basement—you know, just in case we are all trapped together in the basement beneath mountains of rubble for an undetermined amount of time.

(This, of course, assumes that we are in survival mode and not trying to kill each other because we are in such close quarters and have found ourselves bickering endlessly about who makes the most annoying noises when breathing through their nose.  Because that happens, you know.  People could go down.)

Anyway, the tornado kit.  And pay attention people, because you may need to assemble one of these, and if you want to survive, you’ll want to know what to put in your kit.  There’s no way you’ll make it without this stuff.  Believe me.  Here’s what we have:
  •  Plastic tote (to hold all the stuff).
  • One roll of stale crackers.  No one will want to eat these.  Everyone will whine until they finally believe that, NOOOO, we really don’t have Pop-Tarts in the basement in case of a code-red disaster.
  • One can of pineapple.  (The kind without a pull-tab top.  Spoiler alert:  You’ll notice later that we do NOT have a can opener.)
  • Four forks.  One of us must eat the crackers with our fingers.  The others get forks.  Yay.  (Note:  These could also be used as weapons as conditions deteriorate and people become desperate.)
  • One LARGE bag of cat food.  Evidently, we are saving the cat.  Are we going to later eat the cat?  Too soon to tell.  But either way, the useless thing will be well-fed.
  • One medium-sized baggie of dog food.  The dog gets to go, but he clearly will not survive nearly as long as the cat.  (A survival hierarchy is becoming clear simply by studying the contents of the Tornado Kit.)
  • Flashlight.  One little flashlight.  Don’t get greedy, and don’t turn it on too often, because there are NO extra batteries.
  • Two bottles of water.  I’m not sure that’s enough to wash down the stale crackers and cat jerky, but we’ll give it a shot if conditions warrant it.
  • One roll of paper towels.  Because above all, we want to be neat and tidy.
  • One fiction book about a girl torn between two very hot, yet fundamentally different heroes, each vying for her angst-ridden love.  You can survive anything if you have a book like this to read.

 And there you go folks.  That’s all you need in case disaster should strike your house.  I would love to take credit for this list, but if you find yourself creating your very own survival checklist, you will have to thank:

Micaela, Survival Girl...soon to be appearing on some cable TV show, I'm sure.

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