Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Getting a New Mommy

According to Jordan, it’s time for things to change around here, and he’s taking the bull by the horns, so to speak.  He has a list of complaints this evening, and if I have them all down correctly, they go something like this:

·         Mommy is not responsive enough when it comes to his demands regarding snack-time opportunities.  Apparently, handing him yogurt and telling him to wait until dinner is not part of his evil plan for household domination.

·         Mommy is not swayed by screaming fits demanding hot baths at a moment’s notice whereby he can pretend to be a scuba diver attacking his favorite pirate ship, because said demands usually occur at inopportune times like, say, when Mommy is cooking dinner and running the three-ring circus that is our household.

·         Mommy does not greet him at the door after school with giant armloads of candy, showering him generously with sugared treats so that his teeth will rot out by the ripe old age of twelve.

·         Mommy refuses to give in to his personal fashion principles that require him to wear short-sleeved Angry Birds tees and sport sockless Croc-clad feet to school in the middle of 30-degree temperatures.

·         Mommy refuses to recognize his cabinet-climbing activity as physical-education-related and therefore demands that he stop climbing the walls like a monkey.
As you can very well tell by now, Mommy is quite unreasonable, and many of her behaviors are beyond correcting, and it’s very understandable that Jordan marched downstairs this evening and announced, “We are getting a new Mommy.  This one is rude.”

Actually, it was pronounced, “Dis one is wude,” which was WAY too funny for me to even THINK about keeping a straight face.  Yes, Mommy is rude.  And right now, Mommy is about to get all rude with a glass of wine up in here.

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