Wednesday, January 02, 2013

How to Know if Your Kid Is STILL an Asshole


Some of you may recognize this theme from an earlier post of mine (http://www.cheeriosinmybra.net/2011/10/top-5-signs-your-kid-might-be-asshole.html) in which I outlined how you might be able to ascertain whether or not your kid might be an asshole.  Well, welcome to Part Deux.

Your kid might STILL be an asshole if you recognize any of the following traits or behaviors:
  • Your kid pretends to be my kid’s friend for several months before announcing to her (in front of several other people) that she has better things to do now and she doesn’t think they should be friends anymore.  This is mostly because your kid made it onto a national sport team and mine did not, so now your kid will only hang out with other people who also made it through the rigorous testing.  This makes your kid a complete assclown.
  • Your kid insists on insulting my kid at every practice.  She constantly makes her feel like she can’t perform any of the skills as good as, as high as, as fast as (blah, blah, blah)…guess who?  Yep, your amazing kid!
  • Your kid acts like a total spaz and ends up getting the entire group/team in trouble because she has certain personality “challenges.”  Apparently, this is also why she is mean to others.  That’s all fine and dandy, except at no time did I ever learn that any kind of personality “challenge” makes it okay to bully and belittle others.  This is not a “challenge.”  This is nothing but asshol-ery.
  • Your kid enlists others to do her dirty work to make others feel bad.  This is known as being the Queen of the Bullies, and it’s really starting to piss me off.  If a bully isn’t brave enough to do her own dirty work, then I don’t think she even deserves the moniker of ‘bully.’  I believe previously used terms fit her much better.
  • Your kid pretends to be angelic in front of authority figures and only unleashes her venom when said authority figures are not looking.  This leaves her with a mostly clean slate while still allowing her to successfully send my kid home in tears.

 If you notice any of the above-mentioned symptoms, you might want to consider the following:
  • Take a moment.  Take a deep breath.  Talk some sense into your beastly little human.  Oh yeah, and maybe take enough notice of what she’s doing to others to…oh, I dunno, say PARENT her for a few minutes and turn her into a nice little person.

 Also, as my daughter was in outright tears the other day, she did mention that she has one true-blue friend on her team that would never be mean.  So, thank you D for being who you are and for being a friend.  And thank you D’s mom for raising such a nice person.

Also, happy new year.

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