Tuesday, May 14, 2013

The Banning of Cargo Shorts


And hence cargo shorts were banned in all the land because bad princes and princesses (but mostly princes) were caught with pilfered goods stashed in their oversized pockets, and then the wicked witch had to punish the naughty little princes by removing their electronic devices and threatening to lock their little arses in the juvenile detention center with the big, bad policeman if they EVER pilfered again.  And they all lived happily ever after.

Also, I’m sorry, Walmart, but I am not driving back across town to return your already-chewed package of gum and already-stuck package of stickers, both of which were recovered from my son-turned-thief’s pocket.  He is VERY sorry, and I feel certain he will not be choosing this method of acquiring goods in the near future.

Furthermore, I told him if he chooses the route of thievery in the future, he will not be allowed to wear such concealing clothing.  He will, instead, be making outings wearing a tiny little Speedo, and his hands will be restrained in plain view.  It should be highly entertaining.

In short, I have been assured this behavior will not be repeated.  Sincerely,

The Wicked Witch

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