Tuesday, April 22, 2014

A Positive Spin on Things


Morning dawned early (as oft it does after half a bottle of wine), and Mommy needed a loud alarm clock and a hot shower to get the day rolling.  After which it was off to my little angels’ room to ever-so-cheerfully roust them from dreamland.

As you might imagine, a couple of 7-year-old boys tend to be difficult to get moving early in the morning, especially after a busy evening of Mine-Crafting and zombie killing.  So picture my utter disbelief when I walked into their cozy little hideaway to discover one of them already awake.

There he stood.  In the dark.  Bare-assed.  In nothing but a t-shirt.  Pulled up to his chin.  I’m not sure if I was more taken aback by that or the wall of shit-stench that smacked me in the face as I crossed the threshold.

Now, being mom of the year (I try not to brag), I did everything in my power not to blurt, “Did you shit yourself?”

Instead, I said something like, “Heeeeey there, Buddy.  What’s going on?”

And that’s when I saw the poop smeared all over his backside.

“I think I have a sick tummy.”

Um, yep, I think you might be right, dude, I thought to myself.  “I think so.  Let’s go into my bathroom, and I’ll help you.”  (I think that’s close to what I wanted to say.)

So during the…ahem…cleanup process, I could tell he was getting pretty distressed at his predicament.

I kept reassuring him that it was ok.  Shit happens, right?

“So you got a sick tummy before, Mommy?”

“Oh, sure, buddy.”   At some point in time, we all end up shitting our pants.  It’s all about who you have with you when you do it that really matters.

So yeah, that’s what I taught my kid today.  Everybody shits themselves.  Just when you do, make sure you do it around someone who really loves you.

Um,  so if you are planning on crapping your pants anytime soon, make sure it’s with someone you really love.  That’s the profound thought for today.

Also, parenting never gets easier.

Also, it’s sometimes ok just to throw the underwear away.

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