Saturday, July 12, 2014

The Unquitting Plan


So here’s the thing.  Sometimes when you fall on your ass, you need the awesome people in your life to stand there and pick you back up.  And here’s the other thing, sometimes you don’t want to be picked up, but those people like you enough to make you get your slug-ass moving anyway.  And that makes those people really awesome friends, so don’t ever screw that up.  I have a lot of those people in my life, and I am grateful.

Moving on.  There are lots of things in this life that may incite you to embrace your inner slug.  For example, if your dad dies butt-assed naked in the middle of his living room floor all alone…and say your son happens to be the one to find him.  That is really bad shit, and let me tell you, the last thing you think about is working out.  In fact, the first thing you think about is WINE.  Because wine can fix a lot.  But the thing is, it can only fix it for a limited time.

Also, if say, Bigfoot breaks into your house and eats all your Cheetos, that’s pretty bad, too.  But that didn’t happen.  Because I’m not crazy.

Here’s another thing.  It might seem like it would be difficult to spiral into a non-productive, non-writing, crap-eating funk, but it’s not.  It can happen to you, too, so listen up, sluggers.

When you find yourself circling the drain, the thing to do is to look to those people who might sort of like you…even though you are a little crazy…and even though you are a pain in the ass…and even though you can’t seem to give much back at the moment.  Those are the people who will save you from the mortal-drain-suckage that is happening.

So, how to fix everything?  How to unquit?  Well, as I’ve stated before, unquitting is hard.  It’s embarrassing.  It’s humiliating, and it makes you feel like you had everything you needed and then just…well, just took a break.

So you either quit or take a break.  I’m going to say I was taking a break.  And hopefully my friends will know that whatever they did for me or said to me ended up helping me get my ass back in gear.  Because it did.  And thank you all.  Really.

August 1.  August 1 is the day.  I have said aloud (as in a voice that others can hear) that I will present myself at CrossFit and begin a Whole 30 program on August 1.  So there is a time limit on letting myself go.  This is a self-imposed time limit, and I firmly believe it’s for self-preservation.  If I were to NOT put this time limit on myself, it would be so easy to NEVER make myself.  As in not make myself do anything, and I don’t think that’s what my butt-assed-naked dad would have envisioned for me.  So, yeah.

Hence, I have discovered that the key to unquitting is setting a time limit for yourself.  You get a chance to grieve.  You get time to spiral into what-the-hell-everness, but you don’t get a free pass to do that in an unlimited fashion.  That would be lazy.  And disgusting.  And, well, just giving-up-ish.  And that’s not me.  Deep down, that’s not who I am.

August 1 is going to kick my ass.  Let me be clear.  I need my ass kicked.  I need a non-plan-plan (as in Along Came Polly).  You may not be a planner, and I totally get that, because neither am I.  So my only plan now is to unquit on August 1.

Thank you to all my friends and family who have been so understanding.  I truly hope that August 1 has about 300 squats, 200 push-ups, and 100 pull-ups in store.  I need to remember what it feels like to have some sort of a plan.  I need to feel like vomiting into a chalk bucket.  So, Coach C., make it a good one, and make it a workout to remember.  Because I have to get ME back.

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