Wednesday, September 17, 2014

7-Year-Olds Confuse Me

Or maybe boys confuse me.  I don’t know, but something certainly confuses me.  If you ask my husband, he would definitely tell you that a LOT of things confuse me, mostly things like budgeting and how to use the remote control which is more like a space shuttle control panel than a remote control.  And also now the digital temperature control in our house.  Can we PLEASE just get one of those old dials on the wall like they had back in the 70’s where I could just tell the house how cold to get and it would actually DO what I wanted it to do?  So, some things confuse me.

Anyway, back to 7-year-old boys.  I don’t know whether to take Jadon to the eye doctor.  I’m guessing I’m going to have to go, because apparently his eyes are “fuzzy.”  I’m not exactly sure what sort of a diagnosis comes along with fuzzy eyes, but I’m guessing he either has ebola or the West Nile Virus.  I tried giving him Tylenol and telling him to go to bed, but he told me his eyes were still fuzzy.  Dear Makers of Tylenol, could you please add fixing fuzzy eyes to your list of remedies? Thank you very much.

But crap, the Tylenol didn't work.  (It's SUPPOSED TO FIX EVERYTHING.)  So then I had to ask more questions.

Me:  Well, are your eyes fuzzy in school or just right now?  (As in, are you contracting this mystery disease because it’s bedtime, or does this shit happen all the time and you are just now telling me about it?)

Jadon:  Ummm (uses hands a lot, waving them in the air to signal the eyeball gods), I see fuzzy stuff when I blink a lot.

Me:  Hmmm…(wondering if he got into my secret stash of NyQuil because that is some good shit, especially after a glass of wine.)

Jadon:  And they fuzz up in the mornings a lot.

Me:  Are they fuzzy when you look at the Smart Board at school?  Do you have trouble seeing what the teacher wants you to look at?

Jadon:  Only when my eyes get blinky.

Me:  (The hell??  Now they are blinky, too?)  Okaaaay.  Ummm, did the teacher move you far away from the Smart Board?

Jadon:  No.  I can see it.  They aren’t fuzzy then.  It’s when I’m sleepy, but then I can’t see too good.

Me:  So, you can’t see very well when you are sleepy?  (Is he talking about when his eyes are closed?  Because I totally can’t see too well when my eyes are closed either.)

Jadon:  Yeah, and in the morning, too.  So when they are fuzzy, I am sleepy.  And blinky.

Me:  Huh.


So yeah, I guess I’m going to call the eye doctor today and tell him we have a case of the fuzzies.  And blinkies?  Strangely enough, I don’t seem to be able to come up with a complete diagnosis, even with my MAD webmd skills.  But my closest guess it that we have a new strain of Don’t-Want-To-Go-To-Bed-Itis.

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